12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
