i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
