My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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