There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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