This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
