i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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