I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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