So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize