discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
