I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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