Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
