Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
