I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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