Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
