6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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