An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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