Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
