When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The air taste purple.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
