how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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