this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
