Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize