it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
birth control should be required to get into college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize