did you get engaged???
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
