Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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