can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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