Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
