he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize