He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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