so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
