Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
