I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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