i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
