is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I understand Curling. That high.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
