Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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