Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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