Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
