i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
