Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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