Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize