fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
