And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
