you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
