Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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