Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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