I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
