I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
