i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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