GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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