I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
