i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
