I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
