YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
