Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
