I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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