Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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