i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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