weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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