fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
