I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize