I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
