I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
