bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
