just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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