a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
