It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im part way to drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
