I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
