we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize