I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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