Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
