I didn't shave. On purpose
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
