Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
