I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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