Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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