Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
