sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
did i walk over a car last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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