A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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