Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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