I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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