now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
