Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize