I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
