Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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