therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize