i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
