I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
