What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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