i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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