My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
