I hate your face
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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