All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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