hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Alive.
So much puke
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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