Don't make out with my wife yet
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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