this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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