Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
