dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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