I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
