yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
