saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize