in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
