You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
