I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
