Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
