dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
