just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
