I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
