just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
