He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
