I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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