I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
