So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
