i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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