Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
