thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
