We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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