How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
