I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
