he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
