thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
